Exactly how powerful is a cobra? I best ask because it appears the species is getting something of a horrific call. It can circulate at as much as 12mph, a rattling sight faster than I can run, and the amount of venom it is able to deliver in a single chunk is enough to kill 20 human beings, or maybe an elephant. So now not to be sniffed at.

So why is the authorities’s emergency committee referred to as Cobra? You would have notion that the coronavirus disaster would have visible it summoned earlier than the start of last week to supply a sturdy response. I feel it ought to be renamed the sluggish loris committee.

At least in these unsure instances we can assume the pointy heads within the City to upward push to the occasion.

A decrease league footballer changed into defined ultimate week as “operating out of Peterborough”. Operating out of? Who did the author suppose he turned into – the fabulously named gangster Machine Gun Kelly?

Well said Flats, and with a superbly directly face.

•Jonathan Bouquet is an Observer columnist

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